Saturday, 1 December 2012


Assumptions; we all make them. We may make them about the weather, about a shop, or about someone we see in the street. We may try not to, may scould ourselves when we do make them. We may feel guilty if we do make an assumption.

I've heard a few about myself recently.

“If you still live at home you obviously can't cope by yourself.”
(No, I just can't afford a place of my own at the moment. Nothing unusual in the current climate)

“If you're single you must be a lesbian.”
(Errmmmm... let's talk about that in a moment shall we?)

“If you don't have a car then you must be a stupid hippy.”
(No, just can't afford one. Have you seen how much it costs to run one? It's on a par with why I don't have my own house. Although, despite my love of flying, I do try to think about the environment. That and I really do love walking.)

Let's talk about why I'm single shall we? It amuses me when people make assumptions about my personal life, often without asking. Because, if the person asked, they'd find a wealth of information.

Right now I'm stupidly busy. It's taken me many years to get to the point I'm at. In that time, I've managed to put my life on hold thanks to being a complete and utter idiot. Now I'm actually doing something I love and, you know what? I want to succeed at it. Writing and film making for me aren't just past times. They're the beat to my life, my oxygen, my reason for waking and my reason for going to sleep. I adore them. At the moment, to be able to fully dedicate myself to someone would be difficult. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to be in a relationship.

There are also those who don't want to be in relationships, for whatever reason. They could have gone through abuse, or just feel that being with someone isn't for them. Hopefully the person who made the above comment will one day read a report on asexuality. Hopefully they'll see that the world isn't just black and white, but many shades of grey (the comments section is down there for you to make your “50 Shades of Grey” jokes. Go on, you know you want to!).

For me, there's also a medical reason. For a long time, I've known that, without some serious scientific intervention, I'll never be able to conceive. It's made me wonder if, like animals, we give off pheromones, signalling that we're ready and able to bear children. Perhaps I lack this. Perhaps I don't give off the “scents” to attract someone. It's a tough one to face up to, but I believe that if I'm to have children then I'll adopt. Because I'd love to give a little life a home. And one day, hopefully I will.

I'll never forget a day at work a couple of years ago. A relative had come in and, for some reason, she singled me out. She told me that she'd adopted her children and talked me through the process. Once she'd finished, I looked at her in complete shock and told her what I've just told you. There was no was she could have known. But it was definitely reassuring.

Don't get me wrong, I love the comments and compliments. Keep them coming! I love it when someone tells me I'm pretty. Makes me feel like a real woman. Makes me feel desired. Because isn't that what many of us want? We want to feel as though we could rock someone's world.

Thankfully, I know that the people who read this blog are wonderful. They're caring, loving, and extremely understanding. Not the kind to make crazy assumptions at all, are you?! I thank you for passing by here as regularly as you do. For reading and commenting, for spreading the love. Most of all, I thank you for being yourselves. You're all beautiful, all desirable, and all very much loved.

Thank you!


  1. > “If you're single you must be a lesbian.”

    Oooh, this comment burns me. Not just because judging by your comments, it has nothing to do with your relationship status, but just where in heck do they get off assuming that Lesbians don't have relationships? Trust me, even when we live in places where we can establish them legally, we still have them.

    I started dating my lovely wife in October 1998. That's 14 years of committed relationship, thank you very much. We moved in together in 1999, and made the relationship legal in 2008, when NH passed a law recognizing same sex relationships.

    And, in case it improves your day, Beth was my first real relationship, at the ripe old age of 38. Sometimes we're just waiting for the right person instead of settling for someone passable because getting married is part of the grown-up behavior model. Trust me, getting it's been worth the wait. :-)

    1. Congratulations to you guys! That's brilliant! And I love hearing the stories of places legalising civil relationships. It makes the world a much better place. :)

      I've never understood the "If you're single you're a lesbian". What the heck does it mean? That, if you're not straight, you're a lower species? That you'll never be in a "proper" relationship (whatever one of those is)? I've found that the comment is made by people of all ages and all walks of life. I'm not sure if it's meant as an observation (because do people who are gay look a certain way?!) or as an insult (I'm not going to be insulted by something I don't find offensive). It's one of those strange comments that I've never truly understood the meaning of.

      Lots of love to you both!
      Rae (bisexual, bigendered and loving it!!):) xxx

  2. I hate those kinds of comments, too. Especially when someone assumes that if you're different then you must be weird. There must be something wrong with you if you aren't like me - that's what most seem to think.

    I never married and never wanted to. But I've been with the same person for over 17 years. And I'm not a lesbian. Some of us just don't feel any need or reason to get married. I never understood why people can't grasp that concept.

    Also, just because a person is not in a relationship doesn't mean that person can't have one if they want. Some of us would rather be alone than be with the wrong person.

    And, my favorite - what does not having a car have to do with being a hippie OR being stupid, let alone being both? That's a warped way of thinking. There are plenty of reasons why someone might not have a car. What ignorant arrogance!

    *sigh* It's hard to educate or converse with the narrow-minded, isn't it?

    1. I've never ever understood them. I don't know if people make them because they think a person is weird or because they think the person will find them offensive (and why am I going to be offended by something I don't find offensive?).

      And exactly! Who'd want to be in a wrong relationship? I've been in several. Never again, thank you very much!

      Oddly, the recent "You're a lesbian" comment was made by someone who claims to be open-minded and "part of the alternative communities". Stranger and stranger...